How do you recognize a bad relationship?

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by Kat Beechum

I don't know about you, but at some point in your life, you will experience some sort of "bad" relationship, whether that is romantic, friendship or parent based doesn't really matter, just the fact that you will experience this is enough.

Recognizing you are experiencing a bad relationship can be difficult, especially if you are type of person that sees the good in people and doesn't want to hurt someones feelings... I found myself in this position 8 months ago... Here's my story.

About 8 months ago I met a guy, guy and girl have known each other for a while through various associations from a group they belong to. Guy asks girl out, girl says yes and they start to date. Girl has been out of a long-term relationship about 2 years, guy (girl did not know this at the time) has only been single for a month! Long story short, they date, guy pressures girl, she buckles and there it ends...

Now, you might be wondering what actually happened and how did I recognize things just weren't right? Well, if I was honest with myself in the beginning, I would never have gone out with him, but I listened to what other people had to say and because I was a little vulnerable, I went out with him.

While said guy was nice enough... things started to happen that immediately sent my alarm bells off, like after our first date, he sent through a fax with a poem titled "why I'm the guy for...", and he would say things like "you're too independent, you should lean on me more" or "let me take care of you, you don't have to do anything" this sort of thing. And on top of all of this, the demands for intimacy all the time and the subsequent moods if said demands were not met.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? Anyone that makes you feel sick when they are around you, or make you want to not spend time with them is not right for you, regardless of how you say you might feel about them. I had convinced myself that I was in love with this guy because I liked the lifestyle he could give me and I am ready to settle down and have kids... but not with him.

It took me a long time to "get out" of the relationship because I kept second guessing myself. My inner voice was screaming at me to leave, yet I just couldn't bring myself to do it and that's when I started getting sick. For 5 months I was continuously sick with this or that, something was always wrong, and I never get sick! I started to see the light, it got to the point where I wouldn't even answer his calls because I could see his number coming up and then I couldn't stand him touching me and I knew it was time to leave. Was it hard? Yes, probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but I don't regret it.

I have learnt a few things from this experience that I wish to pass onto you:

1. Trust your instinct. If your inner knowing is screaming at you, listen!

2. Don't listen to what others have to say if it goes against what you would normally do.

3. Ensure you're happy first, you have to love you before you can love someone else.

4. Listen for and take notice of the tell tale signs.

5. Take action.

I am much happier now and glad to have gotten out of this relationship fairly unscathed. If you are in a situation where the person is abusing you in any way, you NEED to do something about it, you are the only person that can change the situation and aren't you important enough to you to make sure you are safe?

About the Author
Kat Beechum loves to write, especially about her hobbies and interests she is passionate about. Kat lives in New Zealand with her man and two cats, Cooper and Phoenix .

If you found this article useful, checkout http://www.money-or-excuses.blogspot.com

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